I have vacation head..

And should not be confused with vacation hair,which for me - in a tropical (read humid) setting-is something akin to Peruvian bush woman gone wrong. Either way, I can't concentrate at all (as this post will undoubtedly illustrate). Ive been staring at the same billing issue for half the afternoon(did I mention I work in billing resolution for a corporate telecom co? No? Well, that's what I do. It's oh so glam, let me assure you). It's not like anyone else is working that hard. The all male members of my group are discussing the finer points of football(again), and listening to sound clips of Dirty Harry movies. Mark my words, in about 4 minutes the Nerf football will come out and all pretences of work will be gone. I am so immersed in testosterone around here I might just grow an appendage soon! But I digress (it's that kind of day).

I could not sleep last night, nor do I expect to get much sleep tonight, and we can just forget about tomorrow night. I'll be lucky if I don't vomit, much less actually be able to close my eyes. I suppose that will make the flight all that easier as long as I don't drool on some stranger's shoulder and someone at least slaps me on the back of the head when we land. (See that? I'm being all optimistic and going on the assumption that the plane will actually land and not crash in a flaming ball of metal and carry on luggage. Yay me!). I'm mostly packed, Ive shaved the winter legs (yikes!), and I go get my pedicure this afternoon. Things are mostly done, so all that's left is to try to stay calm. Aside from the flight, I'm actually starting to get excited about the actual trip. I think writing all my crazy shit down in my last post was actually therapeutic (who knew!?). So were all the encouraging comments, thank you! You have no idea how much that helped.

Wish me luck! I will probably not post again until I get back as I don't think the internets are free at the villa, besides I plan to be in a liquid (and thus illiterate) state for most of the time. Have a great week, and I'll toast you all with a rum drink. Cheers Mon!

Time Waster Tuesday

Yeah Yeah Yeah, I'm lame, but the creative juices have dried up like dog poo on the sidewalk. So, in place of a post of any substance I thought Id share with you what Ive been wasting my time with today. Surfing the web and avoiding the tedious - any idiot with a calculator could do it pile of crap on my desk(Ahhhh that's a college education well spent).

I found this site totally devoted to things people overhear in the office, or on the street, or anywhere you hear random weirdness. Damn! Why didn't I think of that. She who tap dances and I are always sitting in restaurants trying to listen in on other people's conversations. Is that wrong?

Overheard in the Office.

Worker girl: I have to clean my room when I get home tonight. Clothing is everywhere.
Worker guy: Why? Are you having someone come over?
Worker girl: Not planning on it, but you never know.
Worker guy: Why the hell do you bother picking up clothing? Maybe if it were actually filthy... But if you're going to let a guy look at your vagina, he should be willing to deal with a shirt on your floor.

McLean, Virginia

Overheard by: Well He's Right

Trifecta of Crap

- Getting on the scales this morning - nothing has changed. Realize I haven't really worked that hard on "dieting" so all the workouts in hell have been for naught. Neat.

- Driving to work in wicked bad traffic amidst the SUV zombies yapping on their cell phones and doing their make-up (sometimes both. I kid you not!). Obsessing about what the scales didn't show, feeling ugly, resentful, mean and spectacularly sorry for myself.

- Sitting at my desk this morning just trying to deal when all four of the mysoginistic, neanderthal men I work with get up en mass and oogle out the window at some poor woman walking to her car. They procede to snort and gafaw about how "thick" she is. That "yeah, her legs are thin enough, but then she gets really big". They laugh as she gets in the car and the car shifts with her. I sat there mute, mortified, blinking back tears of shame, embarassment and anger. Hello! Im right here, your "thick" co-worker - mother fuckers!

As I stuffed my ear buds in and turned up the music to try to tune them out I my anger turned inward.
Me - you should say something, stand up for her, for yourself!
Myself - but Im all alone, they're going to turn on me.
Me - Coward!

I feel like a booger dangling from the nose hairs of life..... GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!