Healthy You Challenge Check In: Nothing Gained, Nothing Lost

I suppose that's a good thing considering the previous week's gain of 2.5 lbs. I really can't complain(especially after this weekend's potato chip masacree - and oh was it good!), but Im going to anyway.

Motivation on all fronts is non-existent. Maybe it's the time of the year. Maybe Im supposed to be hibernating dammit, not trying to get my butt to the gym! Maybe it's because aunt flo came today so last week I was pms'ing and needed the French onion dip to go along with those chips. Maybe it's because this Thursday is the day I love to hate, and Im feeling sorry for myself as only a singleton can. Or maybe(it's the word of the day)my attitude is for shite and I need to snap out of it. However you look at it, I'll take my nothing gained and count myself lucky.

It wasn't all bad this last week though. I did get more sleep (thank gawd! Can you imagine the tone of this post if I was sleep deprived as well??? I shudder to think). I also managed to up my water intake each day to the recommended 6-8 glasses. So there. Not a total wash.

I don't feel all that great going into this week either (what with VD and all that), but rather than pout and quite possibly binge in a haze of self loathing, Im going to try to be a little kinder to myself, take the pressure off a little, and just try to maintain some state of zen. For just this week Im not going to focus on how many days I do or don't get to the gym, or if that piece of chocolate I just ate makes me evil incarnate; for this week Im going to pamper myself with yummy smelling soaps, romantic comedies staring John Cusack, hanging out with my peeps, and maybe even a good bottle of wine.

It's called a list, Dear.

The encroaching holiday season is kicking into high gear, and so are my ADD tendencies. Evidently I‘m not the only one who’s feeling the burn either; my father said these exact words to me last night on the phone.

“I think I have a mental illness – I have all this shit piling up on my desk at the office, and I can’t focus on any of it. All I can think about is that Pink Floyd line ‘there’s someone in my head, but it’s not me.’”

You just gotta love Ol’ Bill.

I know how he feels though, I’m scattered to the four winds these days and it’s wrecking havoc on my diet skilz (and for the record, they aren't that great to begin with). So, I took a moment today during my lunch hour to calm my ass down, breathe a deep breath and (what else) make a list. I was inspired, of course, by She Who Tap Dances, who made a couple of lists of her own last night. Here's what I came up with to help keep the sanity.

2007 Holiday Season Survival Guide
• Sleep – in bed dearie, every school night by 11. I'm far less likely to eat Satan’s breakfast (a bacon egg and cheese biscuit) if I haven’t overslept.

• Water – 6-8 glasses a day, minimum. Gonna flush my worries down the drain.

• Portion Control – What? You mean ½ bag of Oreos isn’t a serving size? WTF?

• Exercise 3 to 4 times a week – Shit. (Yea, yeah, I know – but I HATE it.)

• No late night snackage – No no no no! Bad Bea! Bad!

• In case of emergency break glass. – Or pop cork. Either way, I know it’s not the most well adjusted way to deal with family/holiday stress, but a girl’s gotta have a secret weapon stashed away somewhere.

As for all the other holiday lists? I will write them, post them on the fridge, and ultimately ignore them. Let's hope this first one sticks.

I Got the Music in Me

Music has always been present in my life. My first memories are of the student housing where I spent my first 5 years as my father completed his PhD filled with music by The Beatles, Janis Joplin, Jimmy Hendrix, The Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan. There were always people around with guitars or small hand held drums (it was the 60's after all).

Once,my parents went to a production of Jesus Christ Superstar in Boston, and brought back the soundtrack. Much to the bemusement of my mother, I appropriated that album and played it. To death. I knew every word. And would sing it,loudly,in various public places. Little did my 5 year old self realize "The King of the Juice" was not who they were singing about. Go figure, the son of God was not the Hey Kool-aid guy.

High school in the early 80's in a rural Virginia county was a dark time for the musically adventurous(it wasn't even a town,just a county with a lot of 4 wheel drive trucks). If I had to hear Hungry Like the Wolf one more time, and watch my friends dye their bangs blond and don headbands for one more minute I was going to scream. So I held my breath until college. Thank god for college radio! The promised land, and not a head band for miles. There I was introduced to music I had never heard before- Kate Bush, The Talking Heads, REM, Siouxie and the Banshees, and The Cure.

Where is this digression leading? Where else, to my iPod. I was setting up some play lists to get my ass moving when I visit my own personal level of hell I like to call The Gym. And Satan's implement of torture du jour? The elliptical cross trainer. Sounds kind of poetic doesn't it? Well it's not - it's 30 minutes of butt burning, calf cramping, oh my god is that my lung collapsing fun. I need my tunes to distract me from the encroaching coronary and the Access Hollywood crap they show on giant screened TVs. Seriously, do you really need to see a life size David Hasselhoff barfing a cheeseburger 27 times in 15 minutes? In slow motion? I think not,but again, I digress.

Where was I? Oh yes,music. Music is inspiration, whether it be to move, laugh, cry,create or love(ahem Marvin Gaye), it inspires. So,if you're still reading, Id love to hear what you listen to for inspiration. What music moves you?

Diet is a Four Letter Word

I have been on some sort of diet since I was 14. More to the point, I have been not sticking to one diet or another since I was 14.

The first one was the Scarsdale Diet. Does anyone remember that one? You basically starve yourself on 1000 calories a day but still can't bring yourself to choke down your yummy nekkid tuna and Melba toast lunch. Imagine what that does to teenager's metabolism.

The others that followed were all variations of counting calories, or food combinations, or pills and powders. All of them worked for a short period of time, then didn't, because quite frankly who could last under all that pressure. Now we have things like Adkins. Hello!? What did fruits and veggies ever do to this guy? And Weight Watchers which, to be fair, is at least sensible, but Ive been through those doors at least 4 times in the last 4 years with varied success and if I have to count or weigh or measure one more thing I will go barking mad. Besides,their fascination with fat free dairy (which tastes like dammit), and artificial sweeteners (which literally rot your brain),has me more that a little disenchanted.

I'm not knocking any of these diets, if that's what works for you, but for me, the moment someone tells me what to eat, what not to eat, or how to eat, I immediately revert back to that 14 year old girl who was continually straining against a father who used food to both nurture and control, and a mother who, I now suspect, had her own issues with body image and food.

So here I sit, trying to figure out what is going to work for me once and for all, and quite frankly I am at a loss. Though I can pretty much asume that last night's Leftover Halloween Candy Masacree(complete with three part harmony)is not the way to go, but that's a post for another time. All I can think to do is get off my ass and exercise(yuck),eat as healthy as possible, stay as sane as possible, and as for the rest, well, that remains to be seen.